July 13, 2010

Bittersweet to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye can be bittersweet. Sometimes we are simply sad to let go. Sometimes we are happy to see it go. And then at times like this, saying good bye can be bittersweet. No, I'm not saying goodbye to anyone, but to my WIG! I actually sold it on ebay and am shipping it out later tonight.

Why is it bittersweet? Honestly, it's funny. If you had asked me several months ago, I would have told you how I couldn't wait to get rid of it. It was hot, itchy, uncomfortable, and kind of a pain. And those of you who were around me often know that I eventually kind of gave up on it and just wore "Doo Rags" toward the end of my treatment and immediately following. So, why is it sad to see it go? It was actually kind of fun...and certainly something I never thought I'd do. At 28 years old, I NEVER thought I'd be wearing a wig...ever. But seriously, no hair dryer, no straight iron, no hair products, and no trips to the salon---I think it saved me money and time.

But the convenience was nice, and fooling everybody with the fact that it was a wig, was sometimes fun. My Dad really liked me wearing it and always commented when I had it on. But in the end, it's bittersweet because it was a symbol of what I was going through and how I was handling everything. People would see me still working and comment on how strong I was. It was a cover up to take the shift off me and focus on my father. My husband, mother, and brothers are amazing. I always wondered what my brothers thought when we were caring for my Dad and then they had to look over at me, bald. A constant reminder of my fight. The wig was a way to have a day back that would have been "like before." But at the same time it was a reminder, that even on the days when I felt my best...I was still battling cancer and BEATING it! I find myself driving some days, and I hear a song that I "first learned of" at the time I was still undergoing treatment...and it stops me, reminds to be thankful and not take each day for granted.

So, it's old with the "old"....

...and in with the "new"

In the end, wig or no wig...hair or no hair...I'm a SURVIVOR! And today (after a 5:30am workout) I'm feeling really great to be able to say that.

1 comment:

Travis and Natalie Riley said...

Natalie- You are such an inspriation to me and many others. Thank you for having the wonderful attitude, spirit, and fight,to battle the terrible C. So proud of you and how far you have come!